It's not a Want or a Need
Before we started this journey I prepared my mind for the discouraging thoughts and feelings of those who love us and even those who don't know us so well but I didn't prepare my heart. Was it crazy to think that even those who have known us since we have been born would support us? Let me first define support: to say "congratulations on this new chapter of your life" as they would if we were pregnant, to say "we are so excited to meet your new addition and welcome them in to our lives as you do yours", to pray for us and listen to our disappointments when they come along, to say "how can we help you", to cry and laugh with us along this amazing scary journey we were called to take and yes of course there is always financial support. Let me guess the one that sticks the most is financial support. I understand, I've heard the comments here and there. If you want to adopt then you should have the money. Really?? If we want? This is a child's life. This is not only a child this is our child's life. She is going to be in all of our lives for the rest of her life on earth. This isn't Jason and I just out for a joy ride. And here is where the title to my blog comes in; It's not a Want or Need it is a calling. Yes, a calling. For those of you who are a follower of Christ which I know most who are reading this claim to be; this will make total since to you. Those who are not and do not believe then this is going to be a bunch of rubbish to you but humor me and read on Please.
I say a calling because this is not something we wanted or to be quite honest needed, we were called to do this. Our heart have grown for these babies. No they haven't grown inside my womb but they have grown into our heart. Just as you may be called to help someone else in need. Maybe you do it out of guilt, maybe you do it out of the kindness of your heart, maybe you do it because you haven't felt like you've done a good deed in the past few months but none the less there are some things you just don't turn a blind eye to. Proverbs 24:12 Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and hold us responsible to act." So I don't understand why some of us feel this right to decide if this is right for our family. I don't understand why those we love have turned their eyes away from us. I don't why some of them will not bat an eye when they drop change into a red bucket at Christmas time but have all the excuses not to do the same for someone they have known and loved for all of our lives. No need to explain though, I guess I still have to prepare my heart.
On last thought I told myself I would continue to look for the good and be thankful for those willing to support us. And I've got to tell you there are some amazing people who I have had the honor in meeting. I know why we are on this journey and I may not know everything about it yet but what I know so far is truly remarkable. Thank you to all of you who are willing to step out and support us.
Posted in: on Saturday, October 2, 2010 at at 11:27 AM
Ann,
I know we only know one another in passing - at co-op. I know I have not been able to help you out in any tangible way. There have been many times when I wanted to really tell you how I feel, without making my comments sound like excuses. So I didn't.
After reading this blog, I feel compelled to make this the moment...I know I cannot take the place of family and friends that have let you down. I know how that feels. Like Jesus in his hometown - those closest to you will reject you the fastest. Though we too have adopted, we didn't have that issue because it was a local adoption and, well, you get paid to do that here in the states, as you know. I have a feeling though that some of my family and friends would have been the same.
I have a friend who, when she was pregnant for the 4th time, was criticized by her family for having more kids. They only embraced her when they learned of the novelty of her pregnancy - twins. How pathetic, huh? Suddenly it was okay.
I am not much help, I know. My mood isn't the best, as I'm going through a very difficult and trying time in my home. It's just my attempt to let you know that I support you, your cause, your heart for these kids who need you and depend on you.
Will be praying for you.
Jen Varberg
I know I don't have to tell you how *I* feel about what you are doing. I also know that you know just how I feel about the journey that you are on and the difficulties that you are facing and will face before this part of the journey is over because I am facing it too. It is so hard to have people that we love, who we have counted on to be there for us in other times, who we have been there for, just suddenly not be a part of our life. I have a friend, or I supposed I had a friend that has slipped out of my life since we started our journey to bring Timothy home. Some one that I thought would always be there, who won't even talk to me about him or our trip, or anything that has to do with it. I miss her friendship, and I am puzzled by her disinterest and hurt by her abandonment of our friendship.
When I think about it though, I know that God puts people in our lives at certain times to be with us for a season. The season of my life has changed, and some of those who were in the last season have been "replaced" by people who are meant to be here through this season. Sometimes they stick with us though, and those are extra blessings.
This new season, the one that we're entering now, with our new child, is meant to have many new and wonderful people in it. For each of those though, sadly there will be ones who don't understand, who are vocal about our decisions, and those will be the people that we'll remember. They will make us stronger, and they will also make us better people, and better Mothers to our new special children.
I am so thankful to have your friendship in this season, and hopefully we will be able to look back someday and know that we're better and stronger for having known the nay-sayers. Although, even if that part never happens, we know that we are doing the right thing by following God's call no matter what it means.
Always know I'm praying for you!! :)
Hi my name is angie I have a little girl who is 5 with down syndrome and I have wanted to adopt for a long time. the only thing in my way right now is my husband. just like you I would bring it up and it would turn into not a very nice discussion. So, I just had to pray and actually still am praying that his heart will be softened. I do not have patients and I feel like it is time to ask again. He has used every excuse he could come up with the latest being get the money first then we will talk well I don't have all the money but, pretty much half and so I have been planing what I am going to say and praying that this works. I know how you feel about people not being supportive. My mom and my aunt have said some pretty hurtful things finally after a few emails from my mom I just told that I knew what I was doing and that I can make my own decessions. She said well don't you want some time for yourself and what about the other kids. My response was I don't care if I have anytime to myself I will do whatever it takesI will sacrifice everything to save the life of a child and as far as my kids I want them to know what it means to serve otherr and to help those that cannot help themselves. I want them to learn and know what it means to sacrifice things for the sake of someone else. Isn't that why we are here? to help others. My journey continues but, I have faith that this adoption will happen and so will yours just believe in yourself you know what is the right for you and your family. Do not let others get you down. I will also be praying for you that you will be able to get the money needed to bring her home.
Angie